I miss him.
It seems ridiculous considering the way things were. He never called. He rarely came over when he said he would - something catastrophically wrong would always happen at the last minute that would prevent him from keeping our plans. I tried so hard, and it felt like he tried so little. I rarely felt physically attractive, physically desirable, to him.
And yet I find myself going over in my head.... if only he had been older. If only he had wanted children. If only he didn't still live with his parents. If only he had enough gas money to see me. If only we lived on some magic cloud where everything was completely different....
The truth is we never would have made it.
But I still miss him. I miss the way he kissed me like he needed my lips just to stay alive. I miss the the sound of his voice and the way he played piano. I miss staying up until 7am just cuddling and talking.
I keep thinking if only another time, another place...maybe things would have worked out. But time and place are what they are, and if it's not right, it's not right.
