Getting Closer

I'm so awful about updating this sometimes. Wednesday I finally met with the new midwife at the civilian hospital. She asked if I wanted her to check my cervix while I was there, and I thought, "Sure, why not? I'm already here."

So she does.

I'm 3 cm dilated and 90% effaced with the baby's head already pretty low in my pelvis. She seemed almost shocked that I was not waddling like crazy and had managed to get so far without really noticing it. I mean, I had felt him drop, but I would have never guessed I had progressed that far. She rushed me into filling out all the necessary paperwork for registration and delivery, saying I could basically deliver any day now.

I'm honestly worried I'm going to go into labor and not realize it. My dear friends Heather Lynn and Mrs. R. have to laugh as I sit there, calmly prodding my stomach, proclaiming, "Oh, I think I might be having a contraction." I honestly can't even tell I'm having a contraction unless I physically feel my stomach to see if my uterus is hard. How am I suppose to time these things if I can't even tell I'm having them?

As my doula put it, they may not be painful but apparently they're doing something, otherwise his head wouldn't be so low and I wouldn't be so dilated already.

I'm beginning to think I might have this baby in my sleep.

Labor Checklist

The most common signs that labor may soon begin include:

• The baby "drops" or engages into the pelvis, which is called lightening. Lightening may occur two to four weeks prior to labor in first-time mothers and often not until labor begins if you have previously had children. - this happened just a few days ago
• Your abdomen usually appears lower and more protruding. - check
• You may experience a greater ease in breathing, relief from heartburn and an ability to eat larger portions. - check
• However, the lower position of the baby together with its greater size, can lead to:
  • Increased backache and sacroiliac discomfort - check
  • Increased awkwardness in walking - check
  • Increased frequency of urination - check
• Frequent bowel movements may be experienced within 48 hours of labor, cleansing the lower bowel in preparation for birth. - this started a few days ago as well, right around the time I felt the baby drop
• Diarrhea or flu like symptoms without fever. Indigestion, nausea, or vomiting are common a day or so before labor begins. - woke up at 2:30 this morning with severe nausea. Haven't vomited yet, but it's certainly uncomfortable...
• Increased vaginal discharge during the last few weeks of pregnancy as the body prepares for the passage of the baby through the birth canal. - hard to say. I've had this most of my pregnancy
• Increased Braxton-Hicks contractions during the last weeks of pregnancy, which are "practice" contractions that prepare the uterus for labor and may cause some effacement and dilation (thinning and opening) of the cervix. These contractions do not ordinarily cause pain but may be sufficiently strong and regular to be confused with true labor. This is referred to as false labor. - again, hard to say. I've barely noticed any of my braxton hicks contractions. Certainly no REAL contractions yet
• Possible "bloody show" or the release of slightly brown, pink or blood-tinged mucus from effacement and dilation (the thinning and opening) of the cervix, causing the mucus plug to be released from the cervix. - No
• Some women notice a sudden burst of energy, sometimes called a "nesting instinct" approximately 24-48 hours before the start of labor. You may feel a strong desire to clean the house and prepare for the baby. Try not to tire yourself as nature gives you this extra energy to help you during labor. If you must be active, be careful not to overexert yourself! - Maybe? I spent about a week feeling sick as a dog and just recently gained my energy back and have been interested in finishing up the nursery and everything
• A loss or leveling off in weight may be noticed in the last few days before labor begins. It is common to lose 1-3 pounds of fluid before labor begins as a result of hormonal shifts. - No idea
• Mother just feels "different," not quite herself. - Again, maybe. I spent yesterday feeling kind of dizzy and lightheaded and have in the past few days felt "different," though not necessarily in a bad way
• The bag of water may break. Depending on the location of the break in the amniotic sac, the break can feel like a gush, or an uncontrolled trickle of fluid coming from the vagina. - No

So, in case you didn't get my color organization, purple are positive notes - things that have happened or most likely happened already. Green means it has NOT happened, or I have not noticed it happen.

I clearly have many things checked off from this checklist, but have not started any of the major signs of labor such as loss of mucus plug, bloody show, water breaking, and of course, contractions.

Maybe I'm just paranoid.

But if not, I'd like to point out that I saw this coming, despite all the people who insisted I wouldn't go into labor early

As a note

I think the baby dropped today.

He has been spending a lot of time in my ribs lately, making it uncomfortable to sit while even slightly slouching, and extremely uncomfortable to bend over. Last night I woke up in the middle of the night with some pain in my pelvis, but it was mild and went away pretty quickly. This afternoon I noticed that the baby felt lower - less in my ribs, and there was an increased pressure in my pelvis.

I know the baby can drop sometimes weeks before the baby arrives, but it can also happen right beforehand. I'm hoping this is not a sign of impending labor, because, well, I'm not ready... for several reasons.

A. My insurance doesn't switch over until Saturday, which means anytime before then and I have to go to the military hospital

B. Assuming it happens after my insurance switches over, I still don't see my new doctor for another week. I could deliver at the civilian hospital but would still be seen by a doctor who has never met me

C. My husband is not home yet. This is actually a two-fold issue. 1) If I go into labor before he's scheduled to get back he won't make it home until after the baby is born, and I really want him here for the labor. 2) (the more selfish reason) If he comes home before 30 days we don't get separation pay. I mean, heck, if he's going to be gone for weeks anyway he might as well stay the few extra days so we can get $250.

D. There's still so much stuff to do with the nursery!

I think the realization of how soon all this could happen has just hit me. It's kind of a scary thought....

35 weeks and I think I can whine

I'm actually really surprised I made it this far without any serious discomforts, but for some reason I was hoping this last month would be a little easier. Maybe it's because I thought I would actually be going into labor pretty soon and I wouldn't have the chance to get all big and uncomfortable like most women. I was born 5 1/2 weeks early. Why not my son?

What was I thinking? With my luck he'll be stubborn like his father and refuse to come out at all.

But the amount of time in utero is not what I'm concerned about (at least right now).

These last few days have become increasingly more uncomfortable. Heartburn started a few weeks ago and has been off and on in terms of intensity. One day it will be mild and slightly uncomfortable, and the next it will be so bad I'll be praying that I vomit in the hopes that I can empty my stomach and use baking soda to kill the burn. Seriously, I would rather spend half an hour puking than half an hour with this heartburn. Still, as annoying and uncomfortable as it is, I've somehow been managing to deal with it.

Sleep is another matter. I can barely sleep at night - partly probably because my husband is at training, but mostly because I just can't get comfortable. Period. If it's not the heartburn keeping me from laying flat, it's the pain in my hips, or the pressure on my stomach, or the uterine contractions that will wake me in the middle of the night. And don't forget the trips to the bathroom.

And for whatever reason I can never stay in bed past around 7:30 - no matter what time I finally fall asleep or how much I toss and turn all night. I'm left tired almost all day, constantly keeping myself from downing coffee or forcing myself into a nap - the coffee upsets my digestion and contributes to heartburn, and I can never get a productive nap anyway.

Just to add to my discomfort I had my first episode of swollen ankles the other day. It's only happened twice so far, and the swelling only lasts for a little bit, but I never realized how uncomfortable it truly is. Again, one of those symptoms I thought other women get, but surely not me. After all, I'd made it this far without it..... With the swelling of the ankles comes the general swelling of the hands and face. Nothing painful, just annoying and slightly unattractive. My face feels pudgy and my rings, which were once too big, barely come off my fingers. I've removed them so they don't get stuck or cut off my circulation, but I feel naked without my wedding band. It makes it harder psychologically that my husband is training and I feel almost like it's cheating, or that other marines may misinterpret my reason for not wearing it. It's something that's hard to explain and I feel like perhaps only another military wife would understand. I know my husband won't think anything of it - he takes his ring off during certain exercises so it doesn't get lost/ruined - but it still feels weird.

But now it's time for me to start cleaning in preparation for the doula that will be here later today. We made the decision to switch to standard so I can deliver at a civilian hospital closer to home and I'm finally feeling better about everything. At least mentally.

Between a rock and hard place

So, the husband left last night for training. It's always sucky saying good-bye, but this month will probably be the hardest out of all the training ops. This is my last month of pregnancy.

While there's a chance I could deliver exactly on time, or up to 2 weeks late, any earlier and he misses the birth. Sure, I can call Red Cross when I go into labor, they send it up the command, and within a few hours he's on a plane to come back... but the whole process will take about 12 hours at the absolute fastest, and will most likely be closer to 24 hours. Don't get me wrong. I'm glad he'll get to see our son shortly after he's born, but it's not the same as having him there for the labor - the time in my life I feel like I need him the most.

And my doula decided this morning that she wasn't comfortable with our situation.

So the one thing that I thought was going to get me through this labor with him gone, is, well, gone.

I understand where she's coming from. We were going to try to bend "the rules" of the insurance company and go to my hospital of choice instead of the military hospital 30-45 minutes away. I got the OK from Tricare to "do what I needed to do" if I thought I couldn't make it there in time, and luckily the hospital I want to deliver at is 5-10 minutes down the road.

I still have to look a little deeper into my options, but there's not much time left. I don't know if the doctors will take me this far along in the game. I only have about 2 prenatal visits left, and then the actual delivery.

We're struggling financially right now, trying to get everything we need for when the baby finally gets here, and I worry about the cost of deductibles and copays and such.... but at this point I would do almost anything to avoid birthing at Tripler.

Maybe we'll just have to be broke for a while.